Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas quotes can be used for making the day of your loved ones. Text these short funny Christmas quotes with your buddies. You will surely love our collection of naughty Christmas quotes and Christmas quotes funny.

Funny Christmas Quotes

“I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.”

  • “If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away.”
  • “The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”
  • Once again, we come to the holiday season
    a deeply religious time that each of us observes,
    in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
  • That’s the true spirit of Christmas
    people being helped by people other than me.
  • Who’s the bane of Santa’s life?
    The elf and safety officer.
  • “Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.”
  • “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
  • There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.
  • You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger
  • Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.  What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?
  • I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
  • Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
  • If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
  • Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
  • Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.
  • Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
  • Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
  • There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
  • Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier.
  • There has been only one Christmas, the rest are anniversaries.
  • A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.
  • Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas.
    They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.”
  • A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
    It makes no noise at all,
    But softly gives itself away;
    While quite unselfish, it grows small.
  • ‘Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist.
    And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.
    What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?’
  • Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten
    and his present remembered. What I don’t like about
    office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  • Dear Santa,
    I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty…
    and it was worth it.
    You fat, judgmental bastard.
  • Can I get a Picture of You so that I can show
    Santa what I want for Christmas?
  • The one thing women don’t want to find in their
    stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
  • Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation.
    The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
  • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all
    the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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